Better Off Alone
by Tahlia
Summary: Sometimes, life just doesn't turn out the way you expect it to. But how easy is it really to pick up your things and move on?


All lyrics are from the song "Slow Jam", performed (and probably written) by Usher. Some lyrics have not been included and may have been rearranged due to circumstances beyond my control. Lyrics are in italics and //'s, and are being played on the radio (eg. They are actually in the story for a reason, and take place in real life).

Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. All the rest is mine – please do not sue.

ARCHIVE: Please email me if you want to archive my work. You can contact me at satansmistress78@hotmail.com or through my website at http:// tainted.deep-ice.com.

WARNING: death fic in the vaguest sense of the meaning. ^^;;; PG-13.

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"Better Off Alone" 

– Tahlia

__

// I was all alone   
I was feeling rather low   
I needed someone to lift my spirits up   
So I dropped in on a dance   
Just to take a glance   
And there this lovely thing was… // 

My head shot up from my position on the living room floor. I listened attentively for a moment before shooting the radio a pleading look. 'No…' I thought. 'Not now. Not after so long…' My thoughts trailed off, eyes misting up with tears.

__

// I asked her for her hand   
Said would you like to dance   
So pleased that I asked   
She quickly took my hand   
And we danced and fell in love   
On a slow jam… // 

'All I ever wanted was for my parents to be happy for me. To be proud of me. Even if it meant sacrificing all I wanted for myself. All I dreamed of.'

I laughed bitterly out loud. 

'Yeah well good job, Serena. *That* worked out well didn't it?' My mind replied cynically. I had to agree with my thoughts though – nothing had turned out the way it should have been. The way I wanted it to be. Whether those are two completely different realities or not is another matter, but in a perfect world, they would have been the same.

//Play another slow jam   
This time make it sweet   
On a slow jam   
For my baby and for me… // 

Tears began to form a pattern on my cheeks, the radio continuing to taunt me. 

'Why? Why now? I thought I was over this so long ago…' But apparently the world was telling me otherwise. That no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much energy I devoted to it, I would never overcome the fact that I'd lost Darien. 

Or had he lost me? I'm not sure anymore. All I know is that he's gone and won't be coming back. 

__

//Seems what you say is true   
I feel the same way too // 

I still love him, you know. No-one will ever make me think otherwise. Some people think it's wrong to love a dead man, but I know I'll never understand why. I mean, doesn't everyone grieve for their lost loved ones at some point in their life? I don't know. Maybe my perceptions of this world aren't the same as everyone else's. But they're mine, and I won't go about changing them no matter what I'm offered. 

I'm not a weak woman. I won't change nor do anything I do want to just because someone tells me to. I am who I am because of me, not Darien or anyone else.

__

// I waited all night just to dance with you   
And when you touched my hand   
I knew you were the man   
To turn my world around   
And make my dreams come true // 

People talk of chasing dreams, but sadly, many of those dreams are unachievable from the moment of their conception. When you're young and naïve, people ask you what your dreams are. Well, I knew what mine were since before I was even asked. I wanted to be happy. Not rich or famous or beautiful. Just happy. I thought that by being happy for myself, I'd make my parents happy for me. Not because of who I was, but because of what I did with my life. 

__

// The magic in your eyes, made me realize   
That everything I feel, has got to be real   
And we danced and fell in love   
On a slow jam // 

Suddenly I'm laughing. Amongst all the fallen tears and broken dreams, I'm laughing. Somehow, it doesn't seem to fit, does it? But it all seems so trivial now. So materialistic. Who you are, who you were, and who you will be, all seem to be shaped by what you own or who's in love with you. But how many people really find that certain someone who actually can fall in love with you?

__

// I'm trying to find someone who   
I can give my lovin' to   
Never, ever did I dream I'd find someone…   
I prayed to God, and then I found you   
I swear I fell in love the night you danced into my heart // 

I used to wonder whether it was actually possible to fall in love the moment you first notice someone. I'd seen it happen – my parents; my ex-boyfriends; even my best friend. But I still had to question the whole 'love at first sight' theory. I knew that I would have to experience it before I could believe in love at first sight.

Little did I know it would be you.

// Play another slow jam   
This time make it sweet   
On a slow jam // 

I looked back up at the radio, the song nearing the end of its lament. I knew I'd always remember this song, the words permanently burned into my mind. No matter how many times I hear it, I'll never forget that we shared our first dance together with it playing softly in the background. I think it will always remain somewhere in the deep, dark, dank depths of my mind, slowly gathering cobwebs as the years pass.

But one day – one day I'll brush the cobwebs and the dust off, and gather my memories together. Perhaps even go buy the CD. No, maybe that's going a bit far. But I can always dream, can't I? I can dream that, one day, this song won't mean anything to me. "Move on, leave the past behind you," my Momma always used to say. Maybe I am better off alone. Maybe today's the day to move on. I mean, why not? It's just as good as any other day..

// Can I get a slow jam   
Do you want to slow jam, baby   
Play another slow jam   
This time make it sweet   
Can I get a slow jam   
Play another slow jam   
For my baby and for me… // 


End file.
